Have you ever wished you were one of those Nielsen families? You know, the ones who get the boxes that track their TV viewing and influence ratings?  I always wanted to be one of those when I was growing up.  I hated when my favorite shows got canceled and shows I thought were terrible remained on the air. Who were the idiots making these decisions, I thought? Well, on my last trip to Vegas, I got to experience the next best thing to being a Nielsen viewer.

As I was walking through Paris to Ballys, a woman with a clipboard stopped me and asked me if I would be willing to spend an hour watching a new television show and providing feedback on it.  My compensation for doing this would be either $15 cash or a ticket to the Eiffel Tower Experience at Paris.  I wasn’t on my way to anything urgent, so I agreed to do it.  I liked the idea of being one of the first people to watch a new TV show and having my opinion count.  The $15 cash wouldn’t hurt, either.

Her assistant, a friendly young man who had such a babyface he could have been a high school student (but clearly wasn’t, because he was in a casino), brought me down to the storefront where this independent marketing company had set up shop.  As we were walking through the busy Bally’s casino, I found myself speculating about why the woman with the clipboard had chosen me, of all the people walking through the Paris hotel that day.  I suspect it might have been because I was alone.  Kind of like how timeshare people profile couples, only in reverse. I mean, think about it: What are the odds that both members of a couple would be willing to take time out of their Vegas vacation to watch a TV show and give an opinion of it?  One might think it was fun, but chances are, the other would not.  She probably felt her odds were better talking to solos like me.  In my case, she was right on.  I’m a geek, so this was right up my alley.

Down at the marketing company storefront, the young man passed me off to another man who signed me in.  He got a big smile on his face when I told him I live in Vermont, as he used to live in Quechee. Small world.  Inside the storefront looked like a computer lab, with rows of computers and individuals scattered throughout the room, already in the process of viewing.  I was stationed in front of a computer and given two handheld push-buttons: A green one I was supposed to push when I saw something I liked on the show, and a red one I was to push when I saw something I didn’t.  There was also a button on the keyboard I was supposed to push if I reached a point in the show where, had I been watching at home, I would have changed the channel or shut off the TV. I don’t remember the name of the button, but I’ll call it the “Abort” button.

I was given the pilot episode of the new NBC series “Trauma” to view (without commercials, of course).  I was ready to push the Abort button before the opening credits of the show; the only thing that prevented me from doing so was a sudden action sequence involving a helicopter.  That piqued my interest enough that I continued watching for another twenty minutes or so before finally pushing the Abort button.  Unfortunately, even after you’ve pushed the button, you still have to keep watching the show and clicking the red or green buttons during scenes.  Let’s just say the red button got more of a workout than the green one did.  This was a truly awful show with cliche plots, cliche characters, and horrible dialogue. In fact, the dialogue was so heavily influenced by all TV shows that have come before it, I was mentally reciting characters’ dialogue before they could open their mouths. It was fairly predictable.  All of the main characters were uniformly unlikable except the doctor played by Jamey Sheridan (who was on screen for maybe five minutes) and a female helicopter pilot.  (If you don’t believe me, read the USA Today review of the show.  Their opinion is almost identical to mine.)  The few action sequences were well shot, but they couldn’t make up for the deficiencies in character, dialogue, and plot.  After the show ended, I had to answer a long series of questions about the show itself and my general TV viewing habits. I kept glancing at my watch, sure that I had been there more than an hour, but no, it only felt like it.

As I walked away with my $15 cash tucked into my shorts pocket, I found myself wondering: Was that really worth an hour of my time?  This particular show wasn’t worth it, no, but in general, I think it’s a fun way to be able to express your opinion about a TV show in a way that will actually make its way to the network. Also, it was a nice introverted activity to counter the constant barrage of other people in Vegas. Had it been a good show, it would have been a great way to spend an hour of time, especially when being handed $15 cash on top of that.  I’d definitely try it again.

Trauma premieres tonight on NBC.  If you’re a masochist, watch and judge it for yourself.  But I’m quite sure you have better things to do with your time.